EDIT0929:

i forgot to mention my ipod froze and wiped out.
60gb of music, movies, shows (like 3 seasons of fam guy and fresh prince)...
i literally feel handicapped.  please send me music.

I recently started my own "real" website with a friend.
It will be a blog featuring both English and Chinese posts regarding primarily fashion, makeup, food, and travel.  Iris and I will be co-operating this endeavor, and our target audience will be Chinese Americans and Chinese international students.  It'll feature fashion tips, makeup reviews, food/restaurant reviews, and travel advice, since Iris will be going to Japan next semester and I to London, for study abroad.  It'll be largely impersonal (as in, everything we write will be FOR our audience), so I'll still be updating here for my own personal sanity sometimes.  Meanwhile, I'm pretty busy with school and this website and a job and 2893498234 orgs. 

I'll post up the link as soon as we finish making it look pretty!

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Mmmm and I'll end on this:
Here's an Op-Ed piece I wrote for our school newspaper.

This past weekend was your typical college weekend.  Friday, electronica show at Diva’s.  Saturday, UMass frat party.  Sunday, recuperation.  Or maybe not so typical, because I haven’t actually conversed with a male in a long time, until this weekend—you know.

Let me start off by clarifying—I’m Asian.  I’m Chinese American, to be specific.  And I look it.  Now, onto the story.  Friday night began innocently enough, until Mister A appeared.  Mister A stood behind a group of friends and I in line, a bit inebriated but clearly friendly and very happy.  Mister A proceeds to introduce himself to my friend (who is Korean) and they begin talking, whereupon the conversation then somehow leads to Mister A asking her to teach him Korean.  Now, don’t get me wrong, that’s fine.  Responding to, “Oooh you’re Japanese?!  Konnichiwa!  Can you teach me how to say ____?!” has become second nature for us Asian Americans.  However, Mister A interrupts my friend in the middle of their Korean lesson to suddenly turn to me and cry, “Hi there! What’s YOUR name?”  Encouraged by his cordiality, I enthusiastically take his hand and respond, “I’m Aileen!”

“Oh no, I mean, what’s your NATURAL name?”

“Aileen!”

I’m still enthusiastic, unaware of the implications of “natural” until he gives me a funny look, and then comprehension dawned; I forgot that my Asian face didn’t go with my Anglo-Saxon name. 

Conversation died after “ni hao,” and music and dance took over.  Our joy was short-lived, however, as Mister B ambled over to our group (which contained four Asian women) and announced loudly, “Who here speaks Chinese?” 

I was caught off-guard.  By announcing that to a crowd of strangers, he was assuming because we looked Asian, that if not all, then some, of us were Chinese, or knew how to speak Chinese.  Imagine approaching a crowd of white people and shouting, “Who here speaks Italian?”

Buddy, not all Asians are Chinese.  And not all Chinese can speak the Chinese you learned from your fortune cookie.  This weekend reminded me that the fight has not ended.  White privilege exists, persists, and manifests itself everywhere within our society—even among ourselves.  I cannot begin to describe my share of these incidents, from simply walking down the street in Boston and being accosted with drunken shouts of “annyonghaseyo” (hello in Korean) to watching angry customers fling racist curses and “go back to your country” at my mother in her little ice cream store at the time.  It may sound like a sob story, but I don’t want your pity.

I just want everyone, regardless of skin color, sexuality, and religion, to confront the injustices within our society and commit to change.  Racism, sexism, and classism may seem like last century, but the reality of the situation reflects itself in those around us, in the media, and even within the law. 

Not everyone knows about the history of AAPI (Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders) in the United States, from the Chinese Exclusion Act of 1882 to the incredibly violent and inhumane raids by ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement) upon unsuspecting immigrants today.  The fact remains that our nation and to an extent, our world, continues to uphold certain ancient standards—race, gender, and sexuality-wise—and the fight remains constant and painful for those who must face it every day. 

My race is something I cannot hide.  I walk around with my race on my face, and it is and will always be one of the first things people notice when they see me, subconsciously and consciously.  People like Miley Cyrus will pull her eyes back and take pictures, and people like Betty Brown (R-Texas) will ask Asians to “adopt a name that we could deal with more readily here.”  These are beloved celebrities and prominent politicians today—so what does this say about our society?

Mister A and Mister B, thanks for the inspiration for this article.  I hope that Mount Holyoke women will read this and realize the plight of students of color, and educate themselves on this reality.  Obama is president, but racism is not dead.

i'm back from jmu/uva. this is going to be a really long, scattered entry.
and erm, yeah.  sorry everyone for that stupid blog on thursday.
i think i gave into a moment of weakness, which won't happen again
thanks allen though for your uplifting words (=
(and btw, i was speaking through a voice editor on my friends computer on that video on facebook haha)

...and hm. four more days here in nova until i go to school. 
it's perfect outside; there's so much i want to do!
but i'm by myself. aughhh being alone is nooo fun.

~

the trip was wonderful, but i do believe i actually enjoyed the drive down there and back more than the two sloppy, drunken nights of complete inebriation.  i was sitting next to ginger on the way to uva and watching the scenery flash by and sort of offhandedly made a comment about how absolutely beautiful everything was, then asked him if he thought so too. 

all i got back was a raised eyebrow and "uhh...i guess?  i dont know, it doesnt look like anything special to me"

i don't understand!

the sky was such an infinite, perfect, azure. 
the blue was so shocking against the pure white of the clouds drifting in fluffy white patches, all over rows and rows of mountains that turned a vivid green as we neared.  grass stretched out in all directions as cows and horses grazed idly, little blurs of brown, black, and white as we sped by.

seeing such vivid imagery always makes something in my stomach clench.  this is going to sound ridiculously cheesy, but my heart swells!  the utter beauty of nature is unbelievable, and at times like these i feel so fortunate to be alive and a part of it. 

i wanted to paint it.  i want to paint it.

ever since i could remember, i've been marveling at landscapes (and cityscapes) and making mental note of colors, scale, and shadow so i could paint it.  but each time i mix the blue on my palette, it's never bright enough.  each time i finish a cloud, it's not round enough.  and each time i stipple in foliage, it just wasnt...alive enough.

oh damn speaking of which i left my good oil paints at school and they're probably drying.  i wish my parents would let me major in art )=

~

anyway, i'm going to leave on a different note this time. 

LUPE FIASCO! 

i've always really liked the guy, especially after seeing him live in concert at umass.
however, i really listened carefully to his song, "The Instrumental" for the first time on the ride back from jmu.

"He just sits, and listens to the people in the boxes
Everything he hears, he absorbs and adopts it
Anything not comin out the box he blocks it
See, he loves the box and hope they never stop it
Anything the box tell him to do, he does it
Anything it tell him to get, he shops and he cops it
He protects the box, locks it in a box when he goes to sleep
But he never sleeps..."

THE BOX IS SYMBOLIC FOR A TV, OR THE MEDIA, OR SOCIETY IN GENERAL!!!

god, it's incredible.

"So he chained himself to the box, took a lock and locked it
Swallowed the combination and then forgot it
As the doctors jot it all down with they pens and pencils
The same ones that took away his voice and just left his instrumental, like damn."
 

word, lupe.  if there is ONE thing in this world i can change completely (aside from global poverty etc) it'd be the MEDIA.  i never use this word, but i HATE the media.  hate television, hate magazines, even hate the news.  75% of that is doctored fodder used to manipulate and brainwash, and yet we can't live without it.  alright, it's like, i hate it, but i can't live without it, i'm addicted to it, it's all i've ever known.  so really, i hate (love) my effing tv, computer, and vogue magazine.

but seriously, can you believe the MEDIA shapes our lives completely?!
from the definition of beauty and success to the perception of others and ourselves,
all our actions and thoughts are based in the MEDIA.

which, if you think about it, is pretty much equivalent to SOCIETY,
which equates to HUMANS,
which means...damn, it's inevitable, huh?

~

wrote this for a spoken word performance but never used it.
looks kinda awkward on paper, but it's much better when i perform it, promise.
there's even some rapping/rhyming involved! n____n

You do not define me.

Your glossy pages filled with skinny bitches

Glamorous stories about rags to riches

You do not define me.

I won’t watch your mind numbing ads

About how I need this or how I want that

You won’t tell me how to feel

Whats right, whats wrong, whats fake, whats real

Despite your persistence in this society

Clinging onto me from birth to death

Despite your intentional, subliminal, institutionalized,

racist, sexist, classist,

superficial, artificial, relentless beckoning,

I will not succumb

And you will not define me.

You lure with siren calls,

Promises of wealth and gluttonous pleasure

More lust and greed than we could ever imagine

So “you must act now,” ‘cause

“for a limited time only”

“you can be beautiful with X”

because remember “nothing else but X”

“You want nothing but X”

“You need nothing but X”

“You are nothing without X”

X and X and X and Y and Z…

So it goes on

And on

You burn these images into my head

Chiseling the shapes of perfection,

Molding the words you want me to use,

Injecting prejudice and bias into my soul through my eyes and ears

You’re a poison, invisible but so toxic,

Seeping into our beings like spilled wine on linen

The stains diverging out, staking their red territory over white cloth

In a million little branches, extending as far as the fabric yields

You’ll never come out completely, I know.

But I’ll keep washing

And you will fade

You create these social constructs to constrict, restrict
Tingeing this world with this dark red stain

that I will turn pale pink in time

Because you will not define me.

It’s because I accept your existence

But I know I am better than you.

Because I can rise above you.

Because I am myself, nothing but myself

Won’t be anything other than myself

So you will not define my world

You will not define my life

And you will not define

                                                me.

ps. stupid drunken aileen walked into something and bruised/twisted/cut her ankle.  its swollen and hurts so bad i cant walk...ahh.  ~__~;

http://twitter.com/aileenwang

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hiii.  heres an update on me, barring my views on the current administration, iran, and how much i miss china.

---

i want to go back to school.
i'm ready to leave this safe haven again,
ready to meet new people, see new places, learn new things
i'm ready to leave nova.  so ready.

anyway everybody's left for school now, and i've only just realized i don't have many good local friends.  i've just lost touch with so many people, or never bothered to get to know anyone really intimately lately, so now i'm all by myself, updating xanga on a friday night.  also, i feel like i know way too many asian people around here.  like, dc, maryland, AND virginia.  i just need something FRESH.  and possibly not quite so asian-cliqueish.

oh and i recently bought 2 ravens season tickets (lower level) for my dad for his birthday, a burberry scarf for my friend (who hosted me in china), and a 36 hour driving class (as ordered by the sadistic dmv) among other things (gas, clothes and food of course), so yes, i did keep that job (i'm feelin this whole poor college student thing now).  thanks everyone for the advice.

bored at work, between doing actual work, drinking the free snapple, and shooting zombies online.  its so easy/tempting to take fob pictures with my new hair.  sorry x___x;

anyway here are tentative plans, let me know where you fall in:

next weekend: jmu & uva
next next weekend (labor day weekend): nyc (going to electric zoo to see aarmin, kaskade, steve aoki, benny benassi, and more YAY)
sept 7th: arrive at mhc

i want to visit museums in dc but after going one day after work i realized that dc-visiting is very boring and kind of depressing by myself.  so yeah, my weekend =  not too packed at all.  in fact, please play with me (ahem, ANNIE & KIMMIE) during the weekdays so i don't go completely out of my effing mind.

i've been spending 8 hour stretches just at the fairfax library reading nonstop.  i average a book (appx 400 pages) a day, but i'm trying to get up to a book and a half at least.  okay, i lovelove reading but...

....wow, never thought i'd actually WANT summer vacation to end.